see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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