Swine flu. Run for my life!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
