I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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