Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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