Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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