woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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