I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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