My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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