16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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