My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Operation Purity has been aborted
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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