her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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