I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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