I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
