WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
