If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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