Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drake has all the answers
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