He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize