You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
