her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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