Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
