Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
