The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
