y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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