I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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