nut hugger
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
