Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
