You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
