I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
