this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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