shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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