o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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