i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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