i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
