the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
