walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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