The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
