More tranny stories later!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
