We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
