Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
