I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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