You work out of a Hotel?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
