Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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