And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize