Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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