I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
