She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
