That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
