I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
