I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
