when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
