He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
