She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
