I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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