hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
