It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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