I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
