Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
