Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
