I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
