it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I supernannyed him into submission
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
