We got so high we made milksteak
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
