I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
