we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
