please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
