I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
