then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
