Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Girls should come with a carfax report
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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