Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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