If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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