discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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