I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
