I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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